Having one of those days.

It's raining and cold here and I'm just feeling down I guess. Not sure if this will actually get posted or not, but I think I'll feel better once I type some things out.

I thought my heart was mending from my dad's death, but today I feel like I've taken two giant leaps backwards. Maybe I've been acting like things are okay and it's all just coming out now. I know I put on a face sometimes, even when my insides are falling apart. The times when it's the hardest for me is when the house is quiet and Kailyn is sleeping. Just like now. She can be a great distraction for me.

I'm just sitting here, thinking of my dad. Looking at pictures and I can't stop the tears. I should really do my school work, but I've lost all motivation. I'm in need of a break from all of that. I hate that it hangs over my head all of the time. I hate that I know I could do better and get better grades, but I don't want my school to take so much time away from Kailyn. I'm not failing or anything, but I did get a B in a class that I know I could've earned an A.

I think I'm also in this mood because I was looking forward to going to Texas to visit some old friends, but the Army's funding fell through so now Brian will not be taking that course there. I was texting some friends yesterday and I really miss our time down in Texas. I loved the weather, I loved my job and I loved all my friends down there! I'm thinking of taking a trip down there with Kailyn when Brian leaves for a month for NTC in February. Maybe booking some airline tickets will cheer me up. :)

Well, Kailyn is waking from her nap. Time to go have some fun and get some much needed hugs. Not sure how this all reads as I don't have the time to read it before posting. But I really am okay. Just needed somewhere to let it all out and cry. Feeling much better now. Sorry for such a downer post!